I was definitely late when it came to jumping on the Facebook bandwagon.  I took the plunge into social media because, in the summer of 2013, our church choir was touring England and someone had set up a Facebook page so that we could share photos and daily blog posts with our church family at home.  The only way to post my photos to that Facebook page was to have a Facebook page of my own as well.  So, I succumbed to the pressure.  I had previously resisted because I knew that Facebook would become a time suck and I was sure that I didn’t need or want that.  Then I had to face reality.  I did enjoy posting pictures while on that trip and seeing those posted by others.  Even with limited Internet access while in England, I found myself spending more time than I thought I would exploring this new (to me) world of social media.

And then friends that I hadn’t spoken to in many years starting sending friend requests.   I still don’t know how they knew I was there.  We reconnected and caught up on the past twenty or thirty years of our lives.  This part of Facebook was kind of cool.  Because of Facebook connections made over the last four years, I have reconnected with a couple of  neighborhood “kids” from junior high and high school.  I was able to meet and have dinner with a good high school friend whom I hadn’t seen since June of 1979 when we walked across the stage at high school graduation together.  I’ve spent time with my college roommate and her husband thanks to Facebook.  I met my college boyfriend face to face for a drink, the guy who was my first serious relationship,  having not seen him since before I broke up with him, which I did in the cowardly over the phone way.  All of these things are good, well worth becoming part of the Facebook community.

When my dad was sick and eventually died, I was able to keep friends and family informed of what was going on via Facebook posts.  I didn’t have to make repetitive phone calls to keep everyone current on the goings on.  My friends didn’t have to worry about whether it was a good time to call and check on me.  And the outpouring of love and support that I received via messages was truly a blessing during that difficult time.

Then I became part of Capture Your 365, an online photography community.  Through this group I have made a hundred or more “friends,” some that I have now met in person and others that I only know through our online relationships.  In fact, it was because I flew to Virginia to meet some of these photography friends that I had the opportunity to meet my high school friend and first love again. Those get-togethers were a bonus that came with attending two photowalks.

And then there is the keeping up with current friends who I don’t get to see as often as I’d like.  Or, knowing that friends who are travelling get to their destinations safely.  I think that all of these things are positive aspects of Facebook.

Yes, all of this “keeping up” with people takes time.  And yes, often I spend too much time with this keeping up.  But, most days I don’t regret it.  I think back to when I was a kid, my mom was on the phone for hours each evening talking to her friends.  Back then, she was tethered to the kitchen wall.  Is being connected to Facebook via my cellphone really that much different than talking to friends on the phone like we all did as teenagers?  OK.  Maybe so.  At my house I had a ten minute limit per phone call and I could only have two per night.  Lookinng back, I think this was because we only had one phone and if I was on it, my mom couldn’t be.  It had nothing to do with teaching me that telephones were always a time suck.

There is one big difference. between that kitchen phone conversation and Facebook  When we were talking to our friends on the phone, we were talking only to our friends…unless of course your friend was the class gossip.  With Facebook, you are having conversations with your friends, friends of your friends, friends of your friends of your friends…as so on.  In other words, what you say has the potential of going a long way.  When it comes to sharing pictures of puppies and kittens and silly memes and recipes and encouraging words, that’s OK.  We all know, however, that Facebook also has a dark side.  It becomes a vehicle for disseminating hate and ugliness amidst those cute kittens and puppies.  Most of the time, its easy to scroll past that kind of stuff, posts you  don’t want or need to read.  But, sometimes it’s not.

I try very hard not to get involved in heated debates on Facebook; however, over the weekend, I found myself doing just that.  One important thing that I have yet to learn as an adult is when its a good time to stand up for what you believe and when it’s better to disengage.

A friend of a friend posted some incredibly racist comments on my friend’s Facebook page.  For whatever reason, on that day the ugliness of the remarks came all over me and I felt the need to respond.  They were racism at its worst.  This person said that all people of color were “violent barbarians” and that all Muslims were terrorists.  Oh, and all white people are good…except “white” people like me.  We, in her eyes, are deformed.  I point blank asked this person where she learned this intense racism, and bigotry.  She informed me that she had degrees from the University of North Carolina and Boston University and that I was obviously stupid if I disagreed with her.  I wonder if these institutions are proud of the kind of person who is spewing such hatred and invoking their names.

As the conversation deteriorated, this woman veered sharply from the conversation about racism, bigotry and hatred and started hurling personal insults at me.  She started with, “I see your an albino.  Have you had any special training to deal with your deformity.”  I’m 55 years old.  I’ve been called all kinds of names and made fun of by lots and lots of people because of my albinism.  That pretty much rolls of my back these days.  Although, I’m not sure anyone has actually referred to me before as having a deformity, at least to my face.  Personally, I really was not upset by her words.  They were par for the course in that the only “people” in her eyes are “perfect” white people.  I needed to respoind to her comment because nobody should feel like they have the privilege to say the kinds of things she said and not be challenged in some way.  I knew that I needed to do it in a way that let her know that her intended insult missed its target.  I thought for a few minutes and responded with this, “I got not pigment and apparently you got no heart.  In the game of genetics roulette, I think I’m the winner.”  That is as personal as my remarks toward her got.  Her comeback was, “You do not have anything, intelligence, the ability to spell, education, attractiveness.. zip, zero.. nada.. to insult someone like me. You’re an old, dumb, super unattractive, stupid loser.”

Well, OK then.  I said, “Thank you for letting me know these things.”  Then she blocked me on Facebook.

I am not bothered by the words she directed at me.  What bothers me is that there is someone who, for whatever reason, is so angry that she feels she can bully people, lots of people, with her hateful words and attitudes.  This woman doesn’t know me other than as a person who doesn’t agree with her on issues of racism.  Are hearts in this country so hardened that people can say such ugly things as these to strangers and believe it’s OK?  This kind of hatred, of bullying, of ugliness, is the root of the evil that is tearing this country apart.  Sadly, it is the exact behavior that is exhibited by POTUS.

Don’t get me wrong, I obviously have my opinions.  They may be right or wrong.  Who knows in the long run.  What I do know is that they are rooted in ideals that respect the dignity of every human being.  They are rooted in compassion and love for my brothers and sisters.  For this I was called a stupid idiot.  As I said on Facebook at the time, if respect, compassion, and love for humanity make me a stupid idiot, I will proudly wear the label.

Despite this unpleasnt encounter on Facebook over the weekend, for me, the good still far outweighs the bad…except for maybe the time suck part.  I love those puppy and kitten pictures.  And far more importantly, I love all of the good people who I am honered to call my Facebook friends.