My teaching schedule was weird today because of our State of the College address this morning.  This gave me a little free time because my morning classes were cancelled.  I went to my office with the intention of writing a blog post about…

When I was a kid, I was taught to respect adults – my parents, my friends’ parents, teachers, any adult with whom I came into contact.  Respect is a big thing when you are the child of a military officer.  As a little person in the “adult world” – meaning out to dinner, or in my home with guests of my parents, or at a concert, or in church – I was expected to behave.  By behave, I mean sit still, don’t interrupt, and interact politely with those around me.  These were expectations that, even as a child, I knew were not unrealistic.  They were the norm for all of my friends as well.

Like any teenager, I went through my phase of thinking that adults didn’t know anything.  That is a normal developmental stage.  But, I didn’t dare share or act upon this adolescent wisdom in the presence of adults for fear of my life.  It remained a topic of conversation with only my peers.

When I got to college, I quickly learned that I did not know it all.  In fact it became patently obvious that I knew very little.  I was fortunate, though, to have had several professors who were not only amazing teachers, but also served as mentors to me.  They invested their time and energy in me and I did everything that I could to soak up all that they had to offer during our time together with the hope that one day I would make them proud.

As a young mother, I turned to older women who had survived the sleepless nights of caring for a newborn, who had successfully navigated life with a toddler, who had struggled with balancing career and family, who were a living testimony to the fact that yes life could be hard, and at times even cruel, but like the women before us, we too would survive.  I valued my relationships with these older women.  I needed these conversations and examples.  They made me a better person then…and probably now, too.

As a middle-aged adult, still learning from those who were older than me, came the realization that one day I would be the one sharing the wisdom gained from my years of life experiences; I would be the one to encourage young students, young moms, young professionals.  When I was on the receiving end of the wisdom my elders, I appreciated the incredible gift that I was being given.  As I got older, I began to realize that with that gift also came responsibility.  I would be called upon to pay it forward.  Initially that felt a little daunting; it then became something to which I looked forward.

Here I am, now 57, and things are different.  

In today’s world, the childhood that I experienced no longer exists.  Everything is geared toward kids.  The grocery stores are filled with foods and packaging targeted especially for little ones.  Children’s clothing has designer names.  Kids have their own digital devices and know how to use them while still toddlers.  Children’s schedules are more booked than CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.  The world seems to be geared only toward the needs and desires kids…and not in the caring and nurturing way of times past, but rather in a way that gives kids everything they want on a silver platter and does not teach them the importance of earning rights and accepting the responsibilities that come with those rights.  Because of this scenario, many of today’s young people feel that older generations have no relevant experiences or helpful wisdom to share.  They want the world to adapt to their way of doing and seeing things.  And the world seems to be more than willing to do so.

This leaves those of us in the second half of life as the generation that has never been heard.  As children we were quiet wih regard to our ideas about life and now as older adults, no one wants to hear what we have to say.  This feels like working your way up the corporate ladder assuming that one day you’ll get the big office with a window and when you finally make it to the top, rather than assuming that position, you are informed that your department has been outsourced and your services are no longer needed.

I find this an odd feeling place to be.

This is where I anticipated that this post would end.

Then came this afternoon…

A student came into my office with questions about an assignment due for class.  I answered the questions about that and then our conversation took an unexpected turn, a turn that took us on a journey into some serious life questions.

Though quite young, this student has experienced some serious health issues over the past few years, creating a different perspective on life than that of friends and others of the same age.

This student asked me, “Why do people feel like they have to move so fast?  Do they not realize that they are missing so much?  I don’t want to move so fast that I don’t know what is happening.  That is how it felt when I was sick and it is an awful feeling.  I want to see and feel and do all that I can to make myself truly happy.”

We talked about the excessive use of alcohol and drugs by some young people.  About how so many in the 18-26 age range are addicted to opioids, probably because they have no life skills when it comes to being an adult and dealing with difficuly circumstances so they choose to numb themselves to reality with drugs and alcohol.

We talked about peer pressure.

We talked about how this student’s health issues created fear around driving and how there was pressure from every direction to “get over it.”

Tears happened.

I listened a lot and then said a few things.

I shared a little of my own story.

I said that when we look at ourselves in the mirror each day, we have to be able to live with the person that we see.  I also told this student that there was wisdom beyond the years in the words spoken.

As we parted ways, this student said, “Thank you for listening.  Thank you for understanding.  Thank you for helping me to grow into the kind of person I want to be.”

 

On that note, ignore the first 3/4 of this post!

I’m grateful that the universe is still providing these opportunities for me also to grow into the kind of person that I want to be.

 

I’m not sure whose words these are, but whoever said them, thank you.  They inspire me every day.

“As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person.”