Have you ever wondered how loyalty, perseverance, and “beating a dead horse” differ?  How do we know when we should try a little harder at something, or do things a little differently, or change our course of action entirely?  I have had many teachable moments when it comes to this life lesson and yet still I struggle.  This month, I have turned to the IT world for further training on how to deal with these things.

Whenever something doesn’t work right with my computer, the first thing the IT support department always tells me to do is reboot.  Turn everything off and start new.

During the month of September, my life rhythm was off.  I know that most of that feeling had to do with getting back into my work routine.  The troubling thing that I most noticed was that I had no creative energy; and, for much of the month, I didn’t even care about that.  That is not me!  I am fueled by opportunities for creative expression — photography, knitting, writing, baking.  Not during September, though.  I had little genuine interest in any of it.  But, because I am a master of perserverence and beating a dead horse, and because I have a tendency toward being loyal to a fault, I continued to go through motions.  Well, some of them.  I did take a photo a day.  Most of them were uninspired at best.  I cooked boring meals because we had to eat, though I did zero baking for fun.  I wrote morning pages, but no words much beyond that.  And, I knit some, though I don’t think I finished a single project.  This is not the kind of data that anyone whats to include in their end of month report.

It was a nudge from one of those unfinished knitting projects that convinced me that I needed a life reboot at the start of October.

I love fair isle knitting.  I like the geometry of the patterns and the rhythm of the physical knitting as the patterns are created.  I like the history behind fair isle knitting.  And I like the practical structure of garments that traditionally employ fair isle patterns.  Knowing that I would have limited time to knit because I was back at work, I decided I would make a pretty fairisle hat, the Sainte-Chapelle Hat and Cowl by Tanis Knits.  The pattern is beautiful.  I knew I’d enjoy the knitting process.  And, perhaps most importantly, a hat is a succinct project, one that I thought for sure I would complete in a reasonable amount of time.

I cast on and knit the bottom band of the hat and then began the actual color work pattern.  Things were going smoothly and quickly.  When I had three inches or so done, I took a good look at my progress.  The knitting looked good, but the hat seemed like it might be a bit big.  There wasn’t quite enough fabric yet to try the hat on.  I rationalized by telling myself that I have a small head and most hats are too big for me if I follow their pattern with regard to needle size and number of stitches, both of which I did here.  I continued to knit a few more inches.  The emerging color pattern was gorgeous.  The hat still looked big.  I still persevered.  I knit all the way to the decreases at the crown of the hat before I finally had Weber try the hat on.  He has a big head.  Even his big head was no match for my enormous hat.

 

Under normal circumstances, I probably would have finished the hat anyway, telling myself that surely there is someone out there with a big head who could wear the hat as is.  But this time, I didn’t do that.  I decided to reboot, to pull the hat off of the needles and try something different.  In this case, the different is smaller needles, which will result in a smaller hat.

There was something about watching the stained glass pattern that I had created unravel before my eyes. Just as I had knit the stitches one by one,  I also pulled them out one by one.  The hat disappeared in no time at all.  Weber helped me wind the yarn back into two balls.  Oddly, the motions felt freeing, necessary, and strangely good.  I was giving myself a second chance.  This showed me that it is OK to be loyal and to persevere, but only until that doesn’t feel like the right thing to do anymore.  There should be no shame in realizing that we need to change our course of action…with regard to both the little and the big things in life.  Doing so is not necessarily an inability to persevere through tough times.  Sometimes it is actually the smartest thing to do.  As was the case with my hat.  The reality is that change is the only constant in life.

No.  I have not remade the hat on smaller needles yet.  Remember I said that September was not a good month for my creative soul.

October, however, is better…so far.

As part of my life reboot, I commited to being more intentional about my daily photos.  I also started a forty day photo project, Picture Nature, on October 1.  Do I have time for another daily commitment?  No.  Do I need to do this project?  Yes.  Do I need to persevere though all forty days?  Yes.  Fall is my favorite time of year.  Unfortunately, autumn is not as pretty here in Texas as it is in places where fall colors truly are a thing.  I decided to do this project because it forces me to take the time to stop, notice, and photograph something beautiful every day.  And like my hat pattern, the commitment to this project is finite.  I will share the photos from Picture Nature when I am finished.  Thirty more days to go.  Who knows…maybe the hat will be finished then too!

Though I am doing some things differently during my October life reboot, the biggest change really is in my thinking, in my attitude.  Isn’t that usually the way of it?  They say that attitude is everything.  And they, whoever they are, are right.  I am doing my best to think positively and to act out of that life-giving place as I navigate the rest of this month.

Here’s to a positive, productive, and creative October!

Please hold me accountable.  I’ll post an end of month report for October.  Hopefully it will be more favorable than was September’s!