It’s Monday morning.  I should have been heading back to school after a relaxing week of spring break.  That is not the case…not just for me, but for people all across the world.  I did not have a relaxing spring break.  And, I am not heading back to school.  This is not a normal Monday morning in any way, shape, or form thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic sweeping the world.

I did go to school this morning, but not to meet my classes.  I went to retrieve materials from my office so that I can spend this week transitioning my seven face-to-face classes to be totally online.  Dallas County Community Colleges extended spring break an extra week, through this week, for students because, like most school districts, colleges, and universities, we will spend the next month, if not the rest of the semester this way.

Yesterday, Dallas County issued a Shelter in Place Order to begin tonight at 11:59 pm.  This increased the urgency for faculty to retrieve  all of our necessary teaching materials from school.  Our campus put in place an extremely rigid process for doing so.  We could only use one campus entrance.  There are two.  That entrance had a police block.  Only people with staff IDs were allowed on campus.  The police notated names, employee ID numbers, and to which building we would be entering.  When I left campus, the police marked also marked my exit on their checklist.  This amount of security felt very strange.

I made my way to my building, the only building that I had permissin to enter.  Faculty and staff were told that all outside doors would remain locked and that our badges would not open them.  To gain entry we would have to call security and have them open the door.  Fortunately for me, a colleague happened to be walking by inside and opened the door, saving me that extra step of a phone call and waiting.

I said “thank you” to my colleague and he responded with, “This all feels so weird.”  With that, we each headed to our respective offices.  We were told by administration that we were to get on and to get off campus as quickly as possible.  There was to be no socializing with anyone while we were there.

The building did feel weird.  Eerie weird.  I saw no one else in the 25 minutes or so that I was there.  It felt like a ghost town.  I know there were lots of other people on campus in other buildings, but at that particular time, my building was virtually empty.  I can’t explain the unusual feeling of emptiness.  On almost every normal school day, because I have 7:30 classes, I am the first one to arrive in our building.  I walk into this empty building all the time…and it has never felt like it did today.

Maybe that is because today is a dreary day weatherwise.

Maybe that is because I have never made my way on to campus through a police checkpoint.

Maybe that is because I didn’t pass any of the grounds crew blowing leaves or mowing grass as I made my way down the sidewalk.  These guys work early in the morning so that the noise from the mowers and blowers doesn’t disrupt classes.

Maybe that is because of the urgency and the “you’ve only got one chance” nature surrounding this trip to campus.  What if I forget something that I need?

Maybe that is because I knew I wouldn’t see my students today, or this week, or this month, and maybe not for the rest of the semester.  And for those students that are expecting to graduate with their AA and transfer for the fall semester, I may not see them again.  That is a terrible realization as I have had them in classes for the last three semesters.  To not have the opportunity to say goodbye and to wish the well in person as they prepare to move on makes me feel like I am being cheated.  (They may not feel that way, but I do! :-))

And maybe it is because almost everything feels weird and eerie right now.

As I now sit down to work on lessons, I feel a little bit better, but doing so while sitting at my kitchen bar rather than in my office at school surrounded by the sounds of people and instruments making music still feels weird.  Knowing that I’ll only be interrupted by dogs wanting in and out rather than by students and colleagues stopping by to ask questions or just say “hello” feels weird.

My hope is that these feelings stay weird and don’t become the new normal.

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I tend to fail at blogging when I am super busy and when things in my life seem bad.  Sadly, those are the times when blogging material is ripe.  With busy-ness comes things to write about.  When times are tough, it is beneficial to write about what is going on as a means to processing.  As I prepare for a minimum of two weeks of shelter in place, busy-ness looks different.  And though life feels anything but normal at the moment, I refuse to let COVID-19 drag me to the darkside.  As I start today creating a new rhythm for everything, I am making a commitment to use this time at home and my mandatory time in front of my computer to blog more consistently.  Re-establishng that habit is my positive goal in what could easily become a period of intense fear and negativity.

My wish for each of you during this weird time is to stay healthy, hopeful, and happy.

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